Opinions are like a.........

We've all heard the saying.....we all know what it means. And we certainly all know people with pretty strong opinions, but everyone has got one. You aren't original for having one, however original you may think yours is. Having cancer means being subjected to LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of opinions. From EVERY direction. For those who have gotten married or had children I'm sure you are familiar with how common it was for just any ole person to give you parenting/pregnancy/wedding day opinions, as if you had been waiting for the right person to come along and tell you how to live your life. And that maybe you'd be lost without it, if they didn't share. Please don't misunderstand, I am a highly opinionated person, and I'm generally highly willing to share my opinion no matter how controversial it may be. And while most of us truly believe and truly may be helping another person by sharing our opinion, some of us may also consider learning HOW to share said opinion.

This past Thursday I had chemotherapy and while I was in one of the many waiting rooms I am forced to be in I snapped a selfie for instagram and sent it off into the great void that is the inter webs. Whenever anyone shares anything on social media they are sending it out to be critiqued, that's not their intention but that's what the social media world is doing. It's always deciding what's "good enough" to garner likes and comments and what isn't. I started my breastcancerchronicles IG account as a way to share this aspect of my life with people. It ranges from selfies at chemo to photos and recipes of the healthy food/products I use and make; my goal is to share what it is actually like living with this disease. The ins and outs of doctors appointments, cooking, and trying to be a normal almost 35 year old woman who happens to be living with a very serious condition. I made a decision to be brave enough to put myself out there to be critiqued and share my vulnerabilities. With that being said this weekend someone came onto my page and it was honestly a small exchange, but it triggered me right into tell this person to kindly f**k off.

An IG user with no photo, a private account and about 60 followers decided to comment on the selfie of me at chemotherapy and just ask "why didn't you choose alternative treatments?" And immediately I got irritated. Maybe I shouldn't have but I knew where this was going. So I decided to kindly reply and say "Unfortunately my cancer is incredibly aggressive, when I go totally natural treatments it spreads like wildfire and isn't strong enough to control it. I believe in integrative medicine. If I want to stay alive I have to stay integrative." Hoping this would suffice and said IG user would be satisfied and not push more. That hope didn't last long as within minutes this person was then giving unsolicited advice, "You know you can do a lot with food and you should really try some Ayurvedic methods." The exchange went slightly further and ended with me telling said user to Kindly......you know the rest.

WHY DO WE FEEL THE NEED TO DO THIS?

Listen, I could have stayed calm and explained to this person that my treatment was my personal choice and I appreciate you wanting to share but I am comfortable with my current treatment plan and ignored anything else. And honestly a part of me wishes I had just done that. I am really working on creating space between when I am triggered and how I react. Don Miguel Ruiz calls this space GRACE, and wouldn't it be nice to add a little more grace to you life? I know I could DEFINITELY use some. I didn't do that though, I got slightly aggressive as I do. This persons reaction was what I thought it would be, calling me a nasty person, and generally blaming me for my illness. That's fine-maybe I was being nasty. You know what though? They were being flat out WRONG. And I will explain why I feel this way....

Unless you are living with this disease, and you are experiencing what I am experiencing then you have NO right to be judgmental about what treatment course I have chosen. If there is one major lesson I have learned in this (spoiler alert: there isn't ONE there are so many, and so many HUGE IMPORTANT ones I'm not even sure I've wrapped my head around them yet) it's that we all need to be A LOT LESS judgmental about what other people are doing/wearing/dating/saying/being....all of it. Because at the end of the day YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH/HAVE GONE THROUGH. We make so many snap judgements, and we always want to think our opinion is the correct opinion. And it may be the correct opinion-for YOU. I have learned so much about food/diet and general health stuff, and I share it. Occasionally I may have a slightly judgmental opinion about what people are deciding to put in their bodies-but I don't share it all that often. I will share knowledge just so you are informed of the decision you are making, and that may irritate you. But it's knowledge-not an opinion and then you are free to choose whatever you like without me thinking you are less intelligent than I.

If you do not have cancer DO NOT offer your opinion on someone else's treatment plan. If you watch/read/see something about an alternative treatment or a new treatment or something that may help someone you care about with their health (cancer. MS, chrons-anything) share it with them in a manner in which they are the ones handling their treatment but you are just offering them information-WITHOUT your judgements. The problem with how this IG user approached the situation was that they just came in with a question that was FUELED with their judgements-"Why didn't you choose alternative treatments?' already makes me not really want to share with this person. How do they know I didn't? Did they even look through my IG or read anything before deciding that my chemotherapy was the wrong choice and their Ayurvedic methods would be the right one for me? Or ask my medical history, or read my blog? I'm guessing not. I'm guessing they saw that I was getting chemotherapy, said to themselves "oh this girl is doing chemo? why wouldn't she choose alternative? I'm going to go tell her she's wrong and poisoning herself and teach her how to heal herself." It's incredibly egotistical to assume that YOU know what's better for someone else's life than THEY do.

This country is divided, the government is a mess, the health care system is a disaster, everyone is arguing, and posting opinions and yelling at each other. I know I feel TONS of external anxiety and am fearful every day. We need to be supporting and uplifting each other. Listening instead of always talking. Supporting each other instead of tearing each other down. We should be understanding that what works for us may not work for someone else, instead of judging the other person for doing what works for them. When we support each other and lift each other up some incredible things can happen.


XOXO,

Jenny