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Showing posts from April, 2017

The Perfect Patient

When we are healthy we have all these ideas about what would do if....

If I get cancer I will.....


But do you know what you would do if it actually happened? Honestly can you imagine the moment it happens and then everything else that follows it?

I had so many preconceived notions about what I would do if, how I will act when.... And you know what? I was totally full of it. Because you can't imagine the insane fear that takes a hold of you when it actually happens. How every single time you roll over at night you hear the words, "You have cancer." And that jolt of adrenaline and fear hits you all over again. How every time someone says "but you're always so healthy," "You look really healthy," "You're too young for breast cancer," you have to swallow the lump in your throat and graciously say "thank you" or "I know, cancer doesn't care" and shrug your shoulders.  How every time someone looks at you with sympat…

Around and around and around she goes.....

The last time I blogged was December. It is now April. Where the hell did the time go?!?!

To say I've been dealing with a big bag of shit is an understatement. I'm going to take a big deep breathe, and then try and type out a (hopefully) concise update.....

December was a really hard month, I was in the hospital for stomach virus (everything is more dramatic when you have cancer), put my doggy down, and then went to see family for the holidays. I came back to my house ready for 2017 to start, and a new chapter to begin. On December 31st  I drove to San Diego where I adopted my new doggy, Teddy. He is my little buddy and a doggy angel! I was gearing up for some transitions to be happen in my home and was really ready to attack things full speed!

January then got pretty rough, but I thought "oh I'm just tired" "It's just allergies, compounded by treatments." etc, etc, etc......

End of January I got a PETscan and it didn't exactly go as I planned. …