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Showing posts from August, 2017

The Dangling Carrot

8 rounds (16 separate infusions-2 of which I was too ill for so technically 14) of chemotherapy in my body and hopefully that is THE LAST of it. For now.......

Having MBC (metastatic breast cancer) means I will ALWAYS technically have cancer. I feel incredibly redundant typing that sentence, but it is the truth of my life and can be easily forgotten. When I feel/look healthy it's hard not to want to forget about that cancer and to truly believe that everything is going to be fine. In fact it's healthy to do that, I can't live in a constant state of fear. But the fact remains that I have a disease that western medicine hasn't discovered a cure for.......yet.


Throughout the past year I have been working on developing my new normal. It's been a challenge and there have been many ups and also many downs. I have been fearful, overwhelmed with sadness and anger, and uncertain about everything, I have also been hopeful, filled with love and certain that I was headed down …

Explore Your Options...

As I approach my last (for now-aka this better be the last one for a while) round of chemotherapy I'm thinking a lot about what my next move is. I got an extra week added on to the end of this chemo because my body has had enough and wants a break. Cancer treatments destroy a person's body all for the end goal of hopefully being "healthy." It seems back-asswards to me from a logical stand point but I'm not sure any of this has been logical at all. Cancer defies logic most of the time; a treatment that works for one doesn't work for another. Even if the numbers are EXACTLY the same, individuality also applies to medicine.

Knowing that cancer can have a mind of it's own is the scariest part of this disease. In the past couple of weeks I've talked to several cancer patients, younger, older, breast cancer and other forms as well. Friends of mine have contacted me and asked me to help other people, even if they don't listen to a word of advice I give t…

Dog Days Of Summer

Summertime has officially hit Los Angeles!! With 75% humidity and temperatures in the 90's it definitely feels like an east coast summer out here.

 While this week I planned to have chemo and beat the heat by planting myself in front of my a/c unit and having a Netflix binge session alone, my body had other plans. After arriving at City of Hope and testing my blood it was determined some of my levels were too low to receive chemotherapy. As disappointed as I was, I've had to learn to roll with the punches. This one annoyed me only because all summer long I have had August 8th marked in my calendar as my LAST DAY OF CHEMO, and now that day will be the 15th. What's a week in the grand scheme of things? Absolutely nothing. But it can feel differently to the person who has been receiving the chemotherapy.

There have been MANY times during this process that I have wanted to quit, many times that I almost have. Thank God a good night's sleep can change your perspective. I am