A loss...
Last week was a doozy you guys. A real doozy.
I had some things going on in my personal life that wasn't exactly keeping me in the greatest state of mind (don't we all have those things sometimes). I was struggling a bit and on Friday my sister, Sarah came over to hang out. We hadn't had some good quality sister time in a while and were both feeling tired so couch potato/Netflix time it was. As we were relaxing I decided to mindlessly scroll through Instagram, when I came upon a post by my friend, Michelle. I had texted her a day or two earlier asking how she was doing, and hadn't heard back which was unusual for her. Michelle and I have the same disease, and have been on MANY of the same treatments. This is how we became friends, bonding on an online forum and then beginning to talk via facebook messenger. I think we were friends for about a year before we ever actually exchanged numbers! Michelle recently started IV Chemo, which she hadn't done before so we were hopeful that this was the kind of aggressive treatment she needed right now. We discussed wigs and the impending loss of her hair. I told her all about my experience with IV chemo, shaving my head, and everything else that goes along with it. I remember telling her that although it may suck during the process, it could be the thing that saved her life.
Needless to say it wasn't.
The post from Michelle I saw wasn't from Michelle at all. It was from her family letting us know that Michelle lost her battle with cancer. She was gone. To say it took me a moment to catch up is an understatement. I just stared at the photo of her with her blonde wig on and said NO. It couldn't actually be real, someone got something wrong. She couldn't actually be gone. But she is, and none of us could do a God damn thing about it.
I don't really know what to do except cry, then think of her and the time we got to spend together, and the encouragement we gave each other and keep going. She was such a positive force. Every time I got scared or wanted to go negative she kept up her positive attitude. She kept making plans with me no matter how sick she got. The last plan we made was for a pizza party with delicious vegan cheese since we were both off dairy. The last time we talked we thought the chemo was working.
The thing with this disease is that it's unpredictable, and that's the thing that makes it so scary. Once a month I get my blood checked and every 3-4 months I get scanned. I don't want to see my doctors anymore frequently than this, but I also know that this disease can turn and become insanely aggressive. One appointment I can have great numbers and by the next they could have shot up. Life is fragile, and when you have cancer it becomes even more so.
I can't change this disease, I can't bring back the women I've lost from it, and as much as I wish I could I can't find a simple cure.
What I CAN do is keep living my life with as much vigor and gusto as I can muster. I can appreciate every breath I get to take and every moment I have with family & friends. I can work on staying present and not always looking to the future. All we really have is RIGHT NOW. I can love without fear. I can keep my heart open even though it may get hurt. I can say yes to that trip I want to take and not wait until "the right time" to go. Or the "right time" to do anything. Is there ever a right time to do something or take a chance? Or is it simply our fear and doubt telling us not to move forward, is it that same fear and doubt discouraging us and telling us we can't?
Michelle kept moving forward, she kept making plans, she went surfing, and skiing, and saw her friends and kept LIVING. Until she couldn't anymore. She will always live in my heart and I genuinely believe she is around and will be guiding me and everyone she knew and loved to live life to the fullest. Her smile, and positive attitude, and genuine heart will stay with me, and I will never forget her.
Thank you for your friendship, Michelle. Rest In Peace.
XOXO,
Jenny
I had some things going on in my personal life that wasn't exactly keeping me in the greatest state of mind (don't we all have those things sometimes). I was struggling a bit and on Friday my sister, Sarah came over to hang out. We hadn't had some good quality sister time in a while and were both feeling tired so couch potato/Netflix time it was. As we were relaxing I decided to mindlessly scroll through Instagram, when I came upon a post by my friend, Michelle. I had texted her a day or two earlier asking how she was doing, and hadn't heard back which was unusual for her. Michelle and I have the same disease, and have been on MANY of the same treatments. This is how we became friends, bonding on an online forum and then beginning to talk via facebook messenger. I think we were friends for about a year before we ever actually exchanged numbers! Michelle recently started IV Chemo, which she hadn't done before so we were hopeful that this was the kind of aggressive treatment she needed right now. We discussed wigs and the impending loss of her hair. I told her all about my experience with IV chemo, shaving my head, and everything else that goes along with it. I remember telling her that although it may suck during the process, it could be the thing that saved her life.
Needless to say it wasn't.
The post from Michelle I saw wasn't from Michelle at all. It was from her family letting us know that Michelle lost her battle with cancer. She was gone. To say it took me a moment to catch up is an understatement. I just stared at the photo of her with her blonde wig on and said NO. It couldn't actually be real, someone got something wrong. She couldn't actually be gone. But she is, and none of us could do a God damn thing about it.
I don't really know what to do except cry, then think of her and the time we got to spend together, and the encouragement we gave each other and keep going. She was such a positive force. Every time I got scared or wanted to go negative she kept up her positive attitude. She kept making plans with me no matter how sick she got. The last plan we made was for a pizza party with delicious vegan cheese since we were both off dairy. The last time we talked we thought the chemo was working.
The thing with this disease is that it's unpredictable, and that's the thing that makes it so scary. Once a month I get my blood checked and every 3-4 months I get scanned. I don't want to see my doctors anymore frequently than this, but I also know that this disease can turn and become insanely aggressive. One appointment I can have great numbers and by the next they could have shot up. Life is fragile, and when you have cancer it becomes even more so.
I can't change this disease, I can't bring back the women I've lost from it, and as much as I wish I could I can't find a simple cure.
What I CAN do is keep living my life with as much vigor and gusto as I can muster. I can appreciate every breath I get to take and every moment I have with family & friends. I can work on staying present and not always looking to the future. All we really have is RIGHT NOW. I can love without fear. I can keep my heart open even though it may get hurt. I can say yes to that trip I want to take and not wait until "the right time" to go. Or the "right time" to do anything. Is there ever a right time to do something or take a chance? Or is it simply our fear and doubt telling us not to move forward, is it that same fear and doubt discouraging us and telling us we can't?
Michelle kept moving forward, she kept making plans, she went surfing, and skiing, and saw her friends and kept LIVING. Until she couldn't anymore. She will always live in my heart and I genuinely believe she is around and will be guiding me and everyone she knew and loved to live life to the fullest. Her smile, and positive attitude, and genuine heart will stay with me, and I will never forget her.
Thank you for your friendship, Michelle. Rest In Peace.
XOXO,
Jenny
I recently have some difficult conversations and I did what a lot of people do when they want to know how to do something. I googled it. I came across Dr Williams herbal medicine on YouTube so many people thanking him about his good work. I also have lungs cancer. I wasn’t running all over God’s creation with every man I could find but here I am. I have felt bad about myself for so many years now because of my cancer status. I obviously still have some self-accepting to do but I want to thank Dr Williams for everything he have done for my family ,after taking Dr Williams medicine i was completely free from lungs cancer within one month of usage, I think what you are doing is so admirable. you have helped me a lot! I want to definitely reach out to you and thank you for your amazing work. You are a good person, and an extremely talented man. You have helped millions with your herbs, and have really inspired me,and i pray you still continue doing the good work.you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help
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