Thankful

Another Thanksgiving under my belt, and I for one am incredibly thankful that I was able to be here and be healthy enough to enjoy it. I can't say that enough, how thankful I am to be ALIVE. I cooked, I cleaned, I drank my (organic/sulfite free!) wine and ate more food than I ever should. I had a combination of family and friends (and dogs!) over and it was one of my favorite days of this entire year. For me these major holidays are a little reminder that things could have turned out very differently for me. They remind me to stay rooted in the present and enjoy the moment. That is no easy feat, especially now. I can't help but wonder about my future and if I'll be just as healthy come next Thanksgiving, or if things will have made a turn for the worst. Some days I worry about the future and I think about everything I've gone through, some days I completely forget it all. I can't help but have moments of worry; worrying that if I'm not totally on top of it, thinking of it, managing it, concentrating my full energy on it that it will come back just as quickly as it went away. I realistically know this disease could rear it's ugly head at any time, I also believe in all of my treatments and that full remission is a possibility.

The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said "If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present." I've heard this quote in it's various forms over the years and it always struck a chord with me, but it's never held more meaning in my life than it does right now. I've felt trapped by my past many times, and also incredibly anxious about my future. It's like if I knew where I was going to end up then I could really enjoy the ride. But I don't know where I'm going to end up, and it doesn't matter how carefully you plan your life-neither do you. People have said to me more than once "well none of us have a guaranteed future, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow." But what if you KNEW you had a 22% chance of NOT getting hit by the bus within 5 years. So you have a 78% chance that the bus is going to hit and kill you. Would it change the way you lived? Would it change your decision making process? If you were told that if you didn't go get your coffee every morning that it would increase your chances of not being hit by the bus by 10% then would you do it? Or take your chances? It becomes harder to not have anxiety about your future when you aren't sure if you'll be in the 22% that lives past 5 years.

I believe I will be in that 22% and I will continue to believe that I will be in the even smaller percentage of women that make it to 10 years or 20 years or maybe even live to see 95 years old. Some may call it naive, some may look at the facts and think I'm crazy but I don't know another way to live with this disease. If I don't believe I have a fighting chance then why get out of bed every day? I don't want to be dead while I'm still living. It has become a constant practice. I haven't just made the decision to live in my present and not worry about my future and so that's how it is. Every day I remind myself to breathe, every day I tell myself I'm safe, every day I tell myself I'm worthy. Most of the time I have to repeat this multiple times a day to make sure I believe it.

These past couple of days have been quiet. I purposely planned them to be that way because I was feeling like I needed a little down time. The downtime can be a scary place for me to be though. I have a REALLY hard time relaxing. Some of that is because I operate at a fast pace, I always have. Quick, efficient, no dilly dallying around. Patience is NOT my forte. Now a days it seems to me that relaxing can easily become a place where my mind can wander. I try not to allow myself to fall into self-pity, it's COMPLETELY un-productive, and I try not to let the anxiety producing thoughts win. Sometimes they do, other times living in the present moment wins out. Practice makes perfect and living in the present moment takes a WHOLE lot of practice. One of the biggest things I teach in yoga is to connect to your breathe and drop into the present moment. I guess what they say is true-those that can't do, teach!

I'm going to continue to practice being present, I will work on my patience every day and tell myself I am healthy. I will tell myself that I am safe and I will try to stop the anxiety producing thoughts and remember how far I've come. I will do my best to be thankful for every day, and not just be thankful for one day of the year (even though it's the BEST day of the year!). I'm going to write down some of my thankfuls and if you feel inspired to share yours, please do so!

I am thankful for......

1) Family
2) Intuition
3) Fear
4) Faith
5) Change
6) Love
7) Modern medicine
8) Ancient medicine
9) Healing
10) Growth
11) Doggies
12) Mashed potatoes (and gravy)

Just to name a few....

XOXO,

Jenny

Comments

  1. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM BREAST CANCER.
    I'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you done in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m Jessica from Orlando, Florida. I was tested breast cancer positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe in natural medicine but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him,and explain my situation to him,few day later he sent me the herb, after taking doc Williams herbal medicine for few week i also got my healing with his herbal portion, i am so happy. If you have any type of cancer problem ,you can contact him on Drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there .

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  2. As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time she was fully okay even up till this moment she is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.

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  3. Hello everyone, i'm Linda Harry from United State i was diagnosed with Parkinson Disease  for over 6 years which made me loose my job and my relationship with my Fiance after he discovered that i was having Parkinson, he departed from me, and i tried all my best to make him stays, but he neglected me until a friend of mine  from UK told me Great healer, who will restore my life back with his powerful healing herbal medicine. then he  sent me his email address to contact him- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. and i quickly contacted him, and he said my condition can be solved, that he will treat the disease immediately only if i can accept trust on him and accept his terms and condition, i Agreed because i was so much in need of help by all means, so i did all he instructed me to do. And surprisingly after two weeks, He sent me a text, that i should hurry up to the hospital for a checkup, which i truly did, i confirm from my doctor that i am now ( PARKINSON NEGATIVE) my eyes filled with tears and joy, crying heavily because truly the disease deprived me of many things from my life, This is a Miracle, dr imoloa also uses his powerful herbal medicine to cure the following diseases:  lupus disease,  mouth ulcer,  mouth cancer, body pain, fever, hepatitis A.B.C.,   syphilis,  diarrhea,  HIV/AIDS,  Huntington's Disease,   back acne,  Chronic renal failure,   addison disease,  Chronic Pain,   Crohn's Disease,   Cystic Fibrosis,  Fibromyalgia,   Inflammatory Bowel Disease,  fungal nail disease, Lyme Disease, Celia disease, Lymphoma, Major Depression,  Malignant Melanoma,   Mania,  Melorheostosis,   Meniere's Disease,  Mucopolysaccharidosis , Multiple Sclerosis,  Muscular Dystrophy,  Rheumatoid Arthritis, Alzheimer's Disease, parkison disease, vaginal cancer, epilepsy,  Anxiety Disorders, Autoimmune Disease,   Back Pain,  Back Sprain,   Bipolar Disorder,  Brain Tumour,  Malignant,   Bruxism, Bulimia,  Cervical Disk Disease, cardiovascular disease, Neoplasms, chronic respiratory disease,  mental and behavioural disorder,     Cystic Fibrosis,   Hypertension, Diabetes, asthma,  Inflammatory autoimmune-mediated arthritis.  chronic kidney disease, inflammatory joint disease,  impotence,  feta alcohol spectrum,  Dysthymic Disorder,   Eczema, tuberculosis,  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, constipation, inflammatory bowel disease, bone cancer, lung cancer. contact him on email- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. and also on whatssap- +2347081986098

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  4. I was diagnosed as HEPATITIS B carrier in 2013 with fibrosis of the
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