Finding My Foundations

I've always been a person with very little patience, always wanting to skip ahead and get to it ALREADY!! If I didn't exhibit at least some natural talent for something, I'd move on instead of diving deeper into it. And for a long time this seemed to work for me, seemed being the key word here. But with everything I did there was still an element of impatience, like ok yeah I get it take me to the more advanced stuff. So when I started taking yoga classes after growing up my entire life with gymnastics and ballet I was again impatient with the practice. I was flexible and fairly strong so I tossed myself into more advanced classes and ended up with a back that would go out and some very unhappy rotator cuffs, and yet was still being praised for how "beautiful" my practice was. Giving my ego just enough to keep me coming back for more. The problem was I skipped over ALL of my foundations. ALL OF THEM. The more yoga classes I teach the more I discover that most of my students are exactly the same way. Skipping over our foundations to work towards more complicated poses that we may or may not be ready for. Whether it is our impatience or our ego's or something else it seems most of us would rather skip over the foundations and move to the fun!

The thing is I've discovered in the last few years that the fun isn't really all that fun without first taking the time to build the foundation. A house isn't built from the attic to the basement, the foundation is built FIRST. I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and not just related to yoga teaching, although I'll admit teaching yoga teaches me a whole lot about myself. I've realized that everything I've been doing for the past (almost) two years has been about building myself a new foundation. My belief system changed which meant my foundations had to change. And change can be UNCOMFORTABLE.

Right before I was diagnosed Stage IV I went to go see an herbalist for the first time. She works in Chinese medicine and I had A TON of hesitations about holistic/alternative/eastern medicines, as far as I was concerned my oncologist went to medical school and modern (Western) medicine was designed for a reason. So that was the first thing I really changed, practicing Chinese medicine and taking herbs was something I never thought I'd be doing regularly. But my "Chinese Medicine Woman" as I like to refer to her as, has become my most trusted health advisor, because that's what all your doctors should be YOUR ADVISORS. She helped me change my diet to one that really works for me and MY body, not just what someone told her is good for her patients, but with what actually works on MY individual body. And that body has CHANGED, and been through more than I ever thought it could go through. My habits and food addictions had to change, they HAD to. I swore I would NEVER give up cheese or booze, and here I am dairy and booze free and feeling so much better for it. My foundation told me I couldn't live without either one because I had been eating cheese pretty much every single day for my entire life and booze was consumed on more days then it wasn't in my adult life. My new foundation knows I am what I eat and my body has shown me exactly what it can tolerate when I treat it correctly.

But this isn't just about food. My belief system and emotional scars kept me rooted in the same place for more years that I'd like to admit. Relinquishing control and letting go was and still is EXTREMELY difficult for me. We set up our belief systems based on our experiences, whether they are our experiences or the experiences of people around us, we all have a set of "rules" that we follow. Generally we set these rules and hold these beliefs close to us to keep ourselves safe. Whether we admit it or not most of us are living in some state of fear. I'm not talking boogey man is coming to get you paranoid fear. Just fear of the unkown-if I make this decision will it turn out exactly as I plan? If I don't take a chance I'll always be safe! Those beliefs get REALLY limiting after a while and we are not only limiting ourselves but we attempt to put our limitations and belief systems onto others as well. As I've changed my belief system and built myself a new foundation I've had to go through a lot of stuff that I was storing in there. Have I had my heart broken? Yes, yes I have. Have I been extremely hurt while living in that foundation I thought would keep me safe? You betcha! Is there anyone who hasn't?

My foundations had to change because I was changing. And if I didn't change them then I was staying rooted in the past and not helping myself move forward. The past is gone and I can't change it. I can however learn from my experiences and not let the fear of having a similar experience prevent me from moving forward. When I teach yoga I ask my students to check in with their foundations every time they  move from pose to pose, I force them to take their time and see if the position they have automatically gone into after years of practice is still working for them? Or is that pose the reason your back keeps going out? If we take the time to check in with our foundations and notice what actually works for us and what doesn't we may find, dare I say it; GROWTH! Oh growing can hurt, and it can be scary but in my experience it's worth it. If I remained unchanged by everything I've experienced then I would be doing myself a huge disservice.

If anything I've said has struck a nerve with you then maybe take the time to look at your own foundations. Are they still working for you? Or are you just resting on them because they feel comfortable and safe?

Questions? Comments? Leave one below, I'd love to hear from you!

XOXO,

Jenny