When will we learn? To come back to the middle...


I'm back, and what a roller coaster it's been!! Highs, lows, holidays, traveling, etc and adjusting to all of these treatments. I'm trying to have PATIENCE (NOT my strong suit) and not get aggravated but the side effects are obnoxious from the Western medicine and the Holistic treatments are expensive and time consuming!! Before this turns into a complete bitch fest (I save that for my close personal friends, SOWWWYYY FWIENDS) I'm ok, but I'm just exhausted at the moment! Very much looking forward to this Holiday break with family and friends and I just want to thank everyone who has started to band together and offer me the kind of support I really need right now.

After a difficult 7 weeks I think I'm finally on my way to starting to feel better. Today I want to talk about support for the, in my case *metavivor* (I don't like cancer patient, blech)  and for the people around the *metavivor*. BTW I'm using this as a *insert whatever is applicable to you here* tool.

I'm going to give you a realistic view of what being a Stage IV cancer patient is, and I'm gonna start at the beginning.... if you want stories of hope and 10k's with a pink bandana on my bald head then I suggest you move along to another blog, this ain't it! Here goes...

When I was first diagnosed Stage II the world stopped, but when it started moving again and I started to get my feet underneath me, I found out I needed 6 months of chemo. The world stopped again. And then it stopped for about 8 months. When I first found out about chemo I thought I could work through it on my off weeks (HAHAHA IDIOT) and then we ALL thought oh well Social Security, YOU HAVE CANCER!!!! WRONG-I was only Stage II (I am confident I was misdiagnosed, that's another blog, for another time) yeah that whole OMG you HAVE CANCER thing is AWFUL. And then you wait a month to see your surgeon, and then another 8 weeks to meet your oncologist and it's a WHOLE bunch of hurry up and WAIT. And then the people who know are pressing for info (understandably) and you're trying to go through life normally until you know what's happening. I'm not good at that in person, I wear my emotions on my sleeve (read RBF) but on social media everything stayed hunky dory, please take SERIOUS NOTE HERE social media is deceiving!!! Shocking, I KNOW!!! Eventually word gets out and then every person in the KNOWN universe is asking you VERY personal questions about your health and life (this isn't just socially, I'm talking doctors, nurses repeatedly, half of the doctors in Beverly Hills have seen my boobs and THEY'RE real. You're welcome doctors!) I digress...after learning I needed chemo the fundraising began and I'm not kidding when I say it renewed my faith in humanity. SOOO many of my family and friends have been incredibly generous and I'll never be able to find the words to thank them. THAT has been the amazing part. Through this time there was an outpouring of support, some great, some NOT so great (found an amazing article today on this, I will leave at the bottom of this blog!) but I was appreciative of it all and when I couldn't find the energy to thank everyone individually for everything sent I hoped they'd understand (some did, some didn't). Through this ENTIRE process there has been a lot of things that have helped and a lot that have hurt, I have tried and FAILED miserably to respond with patience because I knew no one could get it, not saying I gave them the best chance possible (whole other Oprah) but we all have our short comings...anyhoodle recently I have felt more clear about the direction of the kind of help I need and how to set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES with people. Even with those I love, and hopefully those I love will respect those boundaries. Learning to ask for exactly the kind of support you need and telling the people who want to help you they're doing it wrong isn't exactly comfortable. But at this phase in my life it is NECESSARY, and I really wish I hadn't waited so long to find my voice in this department. Since I have found my voice and learned to speak my truth, my relationships with my family and friends is improving! They aren't mind readers(very forgiving of my crazy though) and all of us have made lots of mistakes!

Well I must say this blog went in an entirely different direction than anticipated, but I think I like it...if you do too stay tuned...I think I was just getting somewhere but I hit a wall....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz




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